Book Review

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister
By Gregory Maguire

I just finished this book last night, and it was amazing. After reading Wicked, I was worried that Maguire’s second novel might leave me with disappointment as my expectations were rather high. I loved Wicked for so many reasons, and I didn’t think any other novel would compare. I was wrong; in fact, I would even go so far as to say that Confessions in some ways surpassed Wicked in the complexity of its multiple characterizations, concepts, and plot elements. It is a richly woven masterpiece. As soon as I finished it, having stayed up until 1:00am to do so, I immediately wanted to go back and read it again because I felt there was so much to interpret and digest. I can’t wait to read Maguire’s next novel, Mirror Mirror, and this time I’m sure that I won’t be disappointed.

putting my foot down

My friend Michelle has stopped returning my calls. The last time I saw her was about a month ago when I took her out to dinner for her birthday. Not that this matters, but I bought her a gift that I couldn’t afford, along with dinner and champagne. I didn’t really think that anything was wrong with our friendship, but we did discuss her drinking habits and what our other friends had been saying about her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt with her drinking, even though she has two DUIs under her belt and one day in jail and was still getting very fucked up on a weekly basis (although not driving because her license was suspended). So I told her what the other friends said, and she took it as hostile. But I explained my opinion, and clarified that I was worried about her. She didn’t seem to be mad at me, but she hasn’t called me since, and I’ve left over four messages just asking if she’s ok. Our other friends have told me that she is avoiding their calls too, even going so far as to screen for their calls at work and be mysteriously gone from the office.

I always knew that someday Michelle would do this to me, and that’s why I never got too close to her. She has done this to all her friends at one point or another, as I have been witness too. But she was a very cool person to be friends with, and so I’m sad and hurt that it’s probably over. I had even asked her to be a bridesmaid. She is one of those people who can turn her emotions on and off with a switch. She will cry one minute and tell me that she always wants to be friends, and the next minute she will be cold as ice.

But here’s the difference between me and her other friends. Normally, after a period of cutting them off, she calls them back and everything goes back to normal. They resume their friendship and it’s as if nothing happened. Well, that’s not how I am. You’re either my friend or you’re not. You either have the decency to call me and say, “yes, I’m alive, but I need some time alone.” Or you cut me off like I don’t even exist. And here’s the thing—I’m not a possessive friend who only wants to hang out with her and vice versa; I’m totally cool with us remaining friends and hanging out every few weeks or months. But I know Michelle, and I know that right now she’s thinking that she doesn’t need me as a friend, and that I’ve done something to betray her. So fuck her. My mom said that I should give her time; she’s going through something. I don’t care! I don’t have time to wait until she’s ready to call me and be my friend and let me know that she’s ok. And that’s why this whole situation is somewhat of a relief. Because this has been hanging over my head ever since we became friends and now I don’t have to deal with her anymore. True, I will miss her. But I disagree with how she treats me and I don’t have to put up with it. So Michelle, the next time you call me, if you don’t have a serious excuse for this bullshit, I will happily tell you to fuck off.

when did I grow up?

I’ve been searching for a better job lately, but it has become a bit overwhelming to narrow down what I want my career to be. I’m looking for a job that is stable, long-term, and gives me the experience I need to reach higher career goals; however, I’m having trouble defining those goals beyond the desire to be successful, happy, and oh yeah, rich. My interests are broad, but they all have to do with the ability to be creative. I’ve considered pursuing advertising/copywriting, entrepreneurial fashion designing, and fictional writing. Does choosing one of these fields automatically exclude the others? I know that at least with writing, it’s something that I can do on the side along with whatever else I choose to pursue.

I’m leaning towards the option of going back to school rather than settling on a permanent job. This way, I can relocate to a new area to get a higher degree and get some life experience in a new city. I’m hoping that getting a Master’s will mean that suddenly tons of great jobs will be at my fingertips, and I won’t feel so ignorant about what my realistic job choices are. On the other hand, I know that spending money to get an education isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. It will cost me even more financial debt, when I could be spending time getting real life experience working my way up in the real world. And when I get my next degree, I might end up with the same predicament I have now: where do I go from here? The problem is, I feel like I don’t know where to start.

Maybe the only thing my education has taught me thus far is that I am dependent on a system that tells me what to do. In college, did I learn to think for myself, or was I left feeling like I needed a counselor to point me in the right direction? And if so, is going back to school really the answer, or am I missing something that I need to teach myself? Part of me feels capable of getting out there in the real world now, and part of me feels like I need more focused teaching. When I hear myself asking these questions and thinking these thoughts, I feel that I sound very naïve and unknowledgeable. Like everyone else knows so much more about getting started in a career, and what options are out there.

When you’re young, people always tell you, “You can be whatever you want when you grow up.” Around the time I was in elementary school, I recall believing this statement, and imagining that I could be a famous actress, a well-known writer, or even the first female president (my goals were lofty in fourth grade). At some point or another I realized that that statement was total bullshit, and the odds were probably greater that I would be struck by lightning or bitten by a shark than become famous or elected president. I think I’m still bitter about the fact that I can’t be whatever I want when I grow up, because I am grown up, and I’m mostly just lost and confused about what my life should be. Will I just wake up one day and be in the middle of my career? Will I feel good about what I do everyday? It worries me that I can’t visualize what that would be like. On a more optimistic note, I know that my ambition to be successful is very high, even if I don’t know what I’m going to be successful at yet.

make believe

I'm very excited that Halloween is near. I've been invited to 3 costume parties (well, actually, I've been invited by a close friend who was invited--but it's better than no invitation at all). All three parties will feature the same general group of people, so I've had to decide on three costumes that are within my budget. My first costume will be for an evil-themed party: Cruella DeVil. For some strange reason I already have a bulky dalmation-print coat that I got from a thrift store in high school, and all I need to buy is the wig and a cigarette holder. For the second party I'm going to be Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, wearing the funky outfit that she sports in the opening credits: pink tank top and white tulle skirt. I also bought a gold necklace that says "Carrie," which was her signature accessory on the show. For the third party, which is anime-themed, I'll be a purple bondage fairy, and my two girlfriends are going to be in matching blue and red bondage fairy costumes. If only I was young enough to go trick or treating the holiday would be complete!