Ridicule breathes a sigh

I haven't been gaining weight, but I can't seem to get rid of these 15 extra pounds that got tacked on when I started college. I've been telling myself to lose the weight for five years now. Why can't I follow through?! I'm just disgusted with myself and it makes me cranky. I always joke about how I'm an eating disorder waiting to happen, but I don't even have the discipline to follow through with that!

The good news for the week is that I got a job (Yay me! They offered me more money than I asked for!). Hopefully the stress of this new responsibility will speed up my metabolism... I won't be sitting at home all day watching Oprah, so that's a step in the right direction.

I had the strangest interview this week at an advertising agency. This guy asked me who my favorite authors were, and when I gave him a few names he stopped me mid-sentence by blurting out, "Oh, I don't read, so I have no idea who you are talking about." I was like OKAY, then why the fuck did you ask me that question?

I really hate interviews. Even when they go very well, I walk out of the room analyzing every question and every answer with great unease. Interviews epitomize the awkward aspect of social interaction that I loathe. I don't think you can judge how well a person is for a job by judging their response to an interview. It's like judging the strength of an ant by the way he reacts to being held under a magnifying glass in the sun.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

I have spent the last month bored out of my mind. My weekday routine as an unemployed gal now involves the following: sleeping in every day, taking long steamy showers, searching for jobs, and watching Oprah. Daytime television is just awful, and yet I still spend about two hours of the afternoon flipping through the channels hoping to find something worth watching. I should be spending my time in a more constructive manner (like, uh, writing or something). My motivation to be productive on these lonely weekdays is extremely low.

However, I must pat myself on the back for taking over some of the domestic duties that I previously heaped upon my fiance such as cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking (err-- reheating). It's not something that he should get used to though; I have realized in the last few weeks that I absolutely hate being domestic any more than I have to.

I have had a few interviews, and within the next two weeks I will be probably be forced to choose between two options:

1) Full time position as an Internet copywriter.
The pros: It pays very well and offers excellent benefits.
The cons: This job will not give me the experience I need to transition into an advertising career. In fact, I will most likely find the work tedious and stifling.

2) Part time Internship at an Advertising Agency.
The pros: The first step towards a career in advertising, giving me the experience I need in a job that I would love.
The cons: The internship is part time, pays a meager $10 an hour, and is located brutally far from my apartment. It would require that I work another part time job just to make ends meet.

My weekends have been entirely dedicated to wedding plans, which is actually very fun at this point. I am starting to get excited about what is going to be a kick ass party! And the sentimental stuff is getting to me during certain moments...The more I think about it the more confident I am that getting married will be wonderful. My relationship seems very strong right now, even with the stress of losing half of our income.

dream dream dream

My dreams tend to fall into one of three categories:

1) My teeth are falling out or breaking, and I suffer from tremendous humiliation and anxiety trying to come to terms with it. (Or sometimes it's my hair)

2) My fiance does something horrible to me, like cheating or breaking up with me. (One time I had a dream in which he was having sex with his best friend, a guy, and it traumatized me for weeks)

3) I win the lottery or somehow come into a very large sum of money. These are the dreams that I regret waking up from, because it takes me a few minutes to realize that it was just a dream. The dreams are so realistic, that I can actually remember feeling that incredible sigh of relief that my money worries are over.

So what does it all mean?

1)One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.

2) To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel some lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others.

3)To see or win money in your dream, symbolizes that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself. Alternatively, dreaming about money, refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is frequently a symbol for sexuality and power. In particular, finding money indicates your quest for love or for power.