when did I grow up?

I’ve been searching for a better job lately, but it has become a bit overwhelming to narrow down what I want my career to be. I’m looking for a job that is stable, long-term, and gives me the experience I need to reach higher career goals; however, I’m having trouble defining those goals beyond the desire to be successful, happy, and oh yeah, rich. My interests are broad, but they all have to do with the ability to be creative. I’ve considered pursuing advertising/copywriting, entrepreneurial fashion designing, and fictional writing. Does choosing one of these fields automatically exclude the others? I know that at least with writing, it’s something that I can do on the side along with whatever else I choose to pursue.

I’m leaning towards the option of going back to school rather than settling on a permanent job. This way, I can relocate to a new area to get a higher degree and get some life experience in a new city. I’m hoping that getting a Master’s will mean that suddenly tons of great jobs will be at my fingertips, and I won’t feel so ignorant about what my realistic job choices are. On the other hand, I know that spending money to get an education isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. It will cost me even more financial debt, when I could be spending time getting real life experience working my way up in the real world. And when I get my next degree, I might end up with the same predicament I have now: where do I go from here? The problem is, I feel like I don’t know where to start.

Maybe the only thing my education has taught me thus far is that I am dependent on a system that tells me what to do. In college, did I learn to think for myself, or was I left feeling like I needed a counselor to point me in the right direction? And if so, is going back to school really the answer, or am I missing something that I need to teach myself? Part of me feels capable of getting out there in the real world now, and part of me feels like I need more focused teaching. When I hear myself asking these questions and thinking these thoughts, I feel that I sound very naïve and unknowledgeable. Like everyone else knows so much more about getting started in a career, and what options are out there.

When you’re young, people always tell you, “You can be whatever you want when you grow up.” Around the time I was in elementary school, I recall believing this statement, and imagining that I could be a famous actress, a well-known writer, or even the first female president (my goals were lofty in fourth grade). At some point or another I realized that that statement was total bullshit, and the odds were probably greater that I would be struck by lightning or bitten by a shark than become famous or elected president. I think I’m still bitter about the fact that I can’t be whatever I want when I grow up, because I am grown up, and I’m mostly just lost and confused about what my life should be. Will I just wake up one day and be in the middle of my career? Will I feel good about what I do everyday? It worries me that I can’t visualize what that would be like. On a more optimistic note, I know that my ambition to be successful is very high, even if I don’t know what I’m going to be successful at yet.