Marriage and Video Games

I just read this article on Salon.com by Rachel Shukert called How Rock Band saved my marriage.

Hilarious! I also used to hate my husband's video game addiction until I started playing Rock Band.

It also contains several insights about married life that hit very close to home for me.

The most depressing thing about getting older isn't really the reminders of inevitable physical decay -- the gray hairs that pop up in unexpected places, the faint lines beginning to etch themselves permanently in the corner of each eye, the mornings when you wake up with a hangover, even though you haven't been drinking -- but the gradual winnowing of options, as your personal limitations become more and more obvious and eventually start beating you about the head and neck with brutal force. The chasm between who you planned to be and who you are grows wider and impossible to traverse.

We try to make ourselves more interesting. We might take up salsa dancing, or become obsessed with cheeses, or begin to wear a fez in public. When this fails, we begin to take out our hostility on the person we feel trapped us in our inescapable little shell of mediocrity. Whether this hostility is expressed by retreat into a fantasy world in which one is a gun-slinging super-fighter saving the world from totalitarian evil (him) or a plunge into unforeseen depths of pathetic, whining neediness (me), the result is the same. You start to fake-hate each other, and if you're not careful, the fake-hate festers into real hate, and suddenly, ladies at synagogue are clucking their tongues at your mother. "It's such a shame! They seemed like such a nice young couple."

That is so true, and so accurately describes what I've been going through during the last few years of my relationship. I've only been married for 3 years, but we've been together for 8 and the honeymoon is definitely over. Sometimes I think my new obsession with video games is a great because it brings us together.

But then again... maybe it's just another case of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" as with my conversion to watching and following sports (which I never did before we met.) Why am I the one who always becomes interested in his hobbies? Maybe it's just me being neurotic, but it's never been the other way around.

Back to School

I'm pretty much settled in Boston...wow I can't believe it's been so long since I visited my little blog. Since then I've left behind all my friends and family, driven across the country, and moved into a tiny apartment in the South Shore of Boston. The last three weeks since I moved in have been strange. Everything has gone smoothly, but the reality of being all alone in this city has started to hit my husband and I. We both have really enjoyed the experience so far, but sometimes I can tell he is as scared as I am about how things are going to go for the next year and a half.

Unlike our situation in California, where both of us had very busy, separate social lives with a lot of great friends-- out here we only have each other. We've already fought once. Sometimes when we spend too much time together, we do get sick of each other (which is normal for everyone I'm sure). It's something that we'll have to deal with-- and of course since I'm the reason we moved here I'm feeling guilty for putting our marriage (of less than one year, no less) into this situation. But, I'm trying my best to look on the bright side. Once I start school I think things will improve, because I won't be stuck in the house everyday like I've been.

Working from home has been interesting. I'm very productive, but it's definitely lonely. I don't want to be one of those people who stays in their PJs all day eating doritos-- so I make sure to get dressed and ready as if I were going out on most days. It makes me feel less cooped up. I LOVE having mornings to relax and drink my coffee. No more getting up at 5am and sitting through two hours of traffic- it's wonderful.

The city of Boston is pretty amazing. This weekend we went shopping downtown and walked through Boston Common. Having dealt with California traffic for so long, I absolutely love the public transportation out here. I am within walking distance to the T station, and from there it's just twenty minutes or so into the city.

So overall there have been ups and downs...but I'm optimistic for the future. I start classes tomorrow, so I'm feeling my usual anxiety over that. It's very weird to be back in school. Every year at the start of the semester I used to have nightmares about getting lost and being late, so I'm sure that's how it will go tonight -- if I get any sleep at all. How do I keep myself upbeat?? I just imagine the advertising job I'll have in two years while living in Manhattan...haha well it's a nice thought.

Must Be Dreaming

Good news today- I get to keep my current job when I move to Boston. My boss is the greatest! He is going to let me telecommute AND keep the same salary. This is such a relief! Now I won't have to stress out about money during this transition. There are so many other things to worry about...but I am looking forward the them!

Random Things

On my playlist: Frou Frou - Details.
Mood: Restless

- Do you remember that game, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? For some reason that popped into my head the other day. I remember it started as a game and then became a TV show. Don't know why I suddenly thought of that but I did. I am weird.

- I have often blogged about my stubborn 15 pounds that wouldn't go away. Well, recently it turned into more like 25 pounds and so I kicked my butt into gear. I am happy to report that I have lost about 11 pounds! I'm on my way to becoming a skinny bitch.

- The move to Boston is planned for early August. I'm getting nervous. I know it's the right decision, but leaving behind my nice paying job to start all over and while taking on loads of debt is scary. Sometimes I stop and think, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? I have a low-stress cubicle job in Santa Monica and I live in a beautiful apartment. Maybe I just don't know how to be happy unless things are always changing. I just hope my husband doesn't end up resenting me for it. Is grad school worth all this? I need to think positively, but the anxiety is definitely starting to kick in.

I guess this is growing up

So I've decided that I'm moving to Boston to pursue a career in advertising. I don't know if graduate school is the smartest choice, but I just can't pass up the opportunity. I would always regret it if I did. It's exciting but also stressful. My relocation is a mere four months away! Insanity.

I'm not sure if this means I'm giving up as a writer, or if it's something I will pursue in the future. Moving out of Los Angeles, and even California, does feel symbolic because it still seems like the center of the universe to me. I'm used to being wrapped up in the world of Hollywood/celebrity/fame-- and I honestly believe that anyone who grows up in this area does hold some tucked away dream of being discovered or entering that lifestyle. To leave it behind is somewhat sobering. I feel like a child when they find out that Santa Claus doesn't exist.

On the other hand, as I've gotten older the thought of traveling has become more appealing. I don't want to turn 50 and realize I've lived my whole life in the same place. Now I will be able to experience the east coast! I am also in the early stages of planning an extended trip to Europe, probably in the summer of 2008.

Life is too short to spend so many hours in this godforsaken cubicle! And I certainly don't look at my marriage as any excuse to "settle down." Settling down is what kept me from wanting to be married. On the contrary, I feel like getting rowdy. Boston, (and of course New York!) here I come!

Tell me something good

I got accepted to Boston University! I'm am very excited but also nervous. Up to this point I had kind of talked myself into the fact that I would not get in, and therefore would have to stick it out at my job and make the best of things.

Now is decision time. No, actually tomorrow is decision time. Now is celebration time because no matter what happens from this point forward, I GOT ACCEPTED! And that is a big accomplishment for me.

What do you know about pressure?

No word yet from Boston.

Somehow I didn't get the maternal instinct gene. My entire family would be overjoyed if I would just hurry and have a baby. Part of me wishes that the idea of having children did make me happy. Then I could make everyone else happy. But it just doesn't sound that appealing. Maybe I'm too selfish to be a mother. I want to travel and write and have a career. I don't want to raise another human being. That's quite a task, and I'm just not up to it right now. My mom was always very young, and back then I thought, I want to be a young mom too. At this point I don't know if I'll ever want to be a mom. Maybe that will change with time. Right now it makes me feel guilty because I want my parents to have grandchildren.